I could do nothing but sigh. The painful sensation in my head was increasing by the minute. I knew what I needed. Peace. But only screaming children filled my vision. There were tears on the right. Spilled juice on the left. A hugging student coiled around my frame on the front and of course lastly my extra strict director right behind. I could almost feel her breathing down my neck. Was it possible to have this much rotten luck…
All I could think was that since my new job as a teacher’s assistant, I had truly realized how clumsy and mistake-prone I was. At previous jobs, I had only experienced and heard of how praiseworthy my potential and work was.But here. There was nothing but chaos.
But as I look at these children, I become confused. They were not the problem. I was. I had an unconditional love for them. Any child I see running down the street and a giddy smile appears on my face in response. Yet when I see them lie, hurt me, and just smile the next second I just don’t understand. I was bullied at their age and I’ve seen firsthand the cruelty of naive children.
Facing it again through the eyes of an adult, I don’t understand. I can feel my limit being reached, yet I still hold them when they cry and smile at them with affection.
Where is the innocence I seem so intent on doting upon?
: the state of being not guilty of a crime or other wrong act
: lack of experience with the world and with the bad things that happen in life
: lack of knowledge about something
Until I realize that it was wrong of me to presume. Innocence is not a badge of honor that gives a child a free pass. They are merely unexposed. In other words, in the adult world from one adult to another…ignorant. Their own state of bliss.