My mother’s careless mistake had me scarred for life

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Dear U&I,

Anyone who is or wishes to be a parent should read this. This is for you to see how one careless mistake could hurt your child beyond remedy, giving them a scar that you would never expect.

My parents are like any average parents that love both my sister and I, despite the reoccurring feeling I received that I had to fight for their attention. However, I always told myself when I was younger that I was being delusional and just concentrated on doing well.

Ever since I was young, I received straight 100’s. I was the type of student that others hated because of how easily I received such grades. However, when I reached fifth grade, the bullying began to finally take toll on me. My self esteem was nonexistence, my grades in the gutter, and the uncertainty I had in relationships extended to include my family.

That year was a very stressful year for my sister. At the moment, she was attending the high school that I am currently attending. She had tantrums and fits everyday. Her relationships with the whole family was hanging by a single thread from all the stress she was receiving and her rebellious acts.

I had always admired my sister when I was younger. I always aspired to be like her. She as expected did very well and my family thought I would do even better for how well I had done when I was younger.

However, that year was different when I found out my mother was worrying if I would do well in middle school because of my current grades during fifth grade. I reassured her that I was fine and I would be fine.

One day, I was consoling my mother while she ranted about my sister to me. Then she said something that was completely unexpected. “The only daughter I had hope in is acting like this. Who am I going to depend on?”

I felt myself shatter inside. Ever since that day, I told myself that she had just said it in a fit of anger. It was the only way to console myself because of how hard I had worked to impress my parents since I was young, even prioritizing it over the bullying in my life. However it made me feel betrayal despite my attempts of consolation because I would have never reached the state I was in if the adults in my life had helped me when I asked them to.

I remember that several times afterwards, I would jokingly say what mom had said, to my sister in front of my mother hoping she would say that she hadn’t meant it but every time she was silent. When I think of how hard I work to reach my sisters high standards and surpass her because I had changed so much since I child, where I would barely need to study to get a 100 and now have to study 2x as hard as anyone to get the same grade, still make me feel uncertain about how I feel about my parents.

Who am I doing this for anyways? All this pressure that I put on myself, is it for my sister, parents that didn’t acknowledge me while I was being bullied, or for myself?

I can only hope that you never have such a misunderstanding with your child. Even if it doesn’t sound so big to you, it may have a greater impact on your child than you may think. We all already have so many battles to fight, having to fight one with our own conscience for something said years ago is not needed.

I have told my mother of what she had said had affected me, but she didn’t give me a good enough answer to justify it. I love her, but at that time, I was already being beat by others and myself. I guess I didn’t need her to add herself to the list.

Don’t be a part of the problem, be a part of the solution. You never know, you might save your kid a lot of pain. My parents could have saved me but chose not to and now look. I’m in pieces. Saying things are alright doesn’t make them alright.

Love,

Faye

 

 

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5 comments

  1. I feel for you, I am 41 and live with the same torture. Living my life fighting for love and approval. I was told the first is always the best. I was the second. To mention it is to hear denial. No solution is viable because no responsibility is being taken. I am to shattered, but I have decided just this year to accept things for how they are and know that it is not my fault. My mother’s heart isn’t big enough for two, even to this day. I accept that now and no longer fight for something I will never have. It became too draining and consuming. I hope one day you can learn to accept things for what they are and know that you have done nothing wrong. It will always linger because you will always wonder what if, but let go of the what if and live for today, for the right now. Love yourself, be true to who you want to be. What are your expectations for yourself not what others expect of you. Work hard for your success, live your life for you. After all it will be your happiness and joy you will get out of your achievements and you don’t have to share that with anyone if you don’t want to. Be here to please yourself not others. First and foremost, I am learning it is about how you make yourself feel about you. Don’t rely on other people for your happiness, make your self happy, work for your own approval. Show them all what you are made of. Be that person that is dependable like you know you can be and let them see just how much they missed. Put your head high and fight like hell to be the best you that you can be on your terms and only for Yourself. Your achievements will be your fulfillments. Do the things that are going to make you thrive and feel great about yourself!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was the firstborn, yet I was never held in higher regard than my younger sibling. In fact it was quite the oposite.
    I’m so sorry for you to have your Mother say such a thing. It says so such about her mental state, that she would think it, let alone say it. I hope you will come to terms with this wound.
    😦

    Liked by 1 person

    • It was hard for me then but now my mother and I have a wonderful relationship! It changed and improved so rapidly that even though I’ll always remember it, the words no longer hold the pain with them. Again thank you for reading!! This is such an old post, you’ve traveled a long way and years on my blog. I wrote this post I believe quite a while ago. I was a completely different person then.

      Liked by 1 person


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