I had always loved the idea of a man admiring a woman from afar. Of course, not the stalker-type way but a one sided love that just made your heart have intense palpitations seeing how passionately he loves her but yet still stays silent for the circumstances at hand. I’ve experienced it all with every character from every possible book, movie, or drama I could discover, crying with them, feeling nervous, and craving for one another as well. In your eyes it might make me a romanticist. For me, it’s just a part of the list of things I like along with my favorite food or hobby. I’m fine with it not being a part of my world, but it still doesn’t prevent me from grabbing my iPad to go far away to a land where cheesiness, passion, and sexiness exists. It’s become a part of who I am. I was embarrassed of it before, but to come to think of it, even when I turned into an old granny I’ll still make time for some romance.
I’ve never known why or when my fascination for a man to be utterly devoted to a woman began. Maybe it was because I was deprived of the idea of love existing in reality ever since I was young and craved for it more than others. It could also have been the bad relationship between my parents that made me hate the idea of marriage.
However, I won’t lie. I hope to be loved where tears escape one’s eyes easily just for witnessing it where a man is ready to jump off a cliff for me or scream at the top of his longs to everyone that he loves me. In a way we all wish for that someone. I guess it’s meant to make us feel like we matter. For me, it’s because I know I’d fall in love with that man, even if I might not believe in love at the moment. Just the thought of someone longing for me and can no longer keep himself away from me because of how long it has been, sweeps me off my feet.
I long to be longed for…
Funny, isn’t it? The irony of where I’m already the one longing for a man who doesn’t even exist. I guess I’m the fool now.