There was once a psychological drama that I watched that had a moment that resonated with me in more ways than I can explain. The main character was a female psychologist and was indirectly getting a consultation from a writer who wrote books on crime psychology. She had a patient who she didn’t understand to why he drew detailed genitals of every person that passed by him. She explained to the writer that the patient had a single mother, and his mother was a good to the point of an angel. The doctor understood that it was an art and there was nothing wrong with it but she didn’t understand how it just started out of nowhere. (Of course, he was admitted to the hospital for other reasons though.) It was just what the writer had said next that really stuck with me. He asked her, “so good people don’t do bad things?” Later we found out that the son witnessed his mother sleeping with another man that made him begin drawing genitals.
The idea that good people can do bad things is pretty simple and no one would expect it to be such a revolutionary moment. But it was more than that.
Ever since I could remember, I have always wished to grow up to be a good person. However, I never realized how that was such a naive wish to have. It was how I justified certain things I did and who I was before by saying, it’s all right because I was a good person in general.
I mean, people do make mistakes and sometimes bad things and that doesn’t mean that they aren’t a good person but technically, what are the parameters of a good person? I mean often certain murderers are good people where they may have done it in self defense or a mental disease had made them act unintentionally, however, there whole life they may have volunteered and did great things.
It just made me rethink that that whole concept of wanting to be a good person is a good start but it would make more sense to teach and wish that you always do whats right.
I was taught that whenever I heard someone was a good person, a naive and unrealistic image would form in my mind that undermined the complexity of humanity.
Surprisingly, what made me suddenly rethink about being a good person was when I began to question whether I was truly a good daughter. I was always told and believed that I was a good daughter however, there were times were I was a bad daughter.
I love my parents so much but to justify that in general I’m a good daughter when I know that I have a hurt my parents a few times during certain moments just doesn’t seem right. They and I, both know it was a mistake but it makes me want to start being a good daughter with each moment rather than in life.
Life is short, but it does have a lot of moments and in the end all the bad things during those moments add up and even if it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person I just think it wouldn’t be right to call myself a good person either with so many of those bad things piled up. So, I’m going to take it by each second where I hope to be a good person in each moment.