Marriage Proposals For My Sister

sad-girl-on-bed-wideWhen I say proposals, I do mean proposals in plural.

It’s been months since my 20 year old sister broke up with her first ever boyfriend of 2 years. There was a lot of confusion, feelings of betrayal, and hopefully recovery as well. However, I assumed it was at a whim when my sister told my mother soon after the break up to allow the phone calls of arranged marriage proposal to roll in.

The thing is, in our parents cultures, match making would happen by relatives or anyone the family would know. When they would hear of either an eligible man or woman that was ready to get married, they would be like “Oh my god, I know someone that’s also looking for someone to get married to,” and poof. The middle man would help connect the two families and they would meet and decided if they want to get married or not.

However, these proposals literally come from everywhere or anyone to be honest. Someone you may have talked to only once in your life may just ring you up one day with a proposal.

I hated it. Not that I don’t respect it if one chooses that’s how they want to get married, but the idea of having so many people being part of something that’s so personal, kind of made my skin crawl.

So, as I got older, it soon began to be more clear to me that the thought of marriage didn’t give me butterflies in my stomach. I am still young and have a decade till getting married but that idea soon changed when my pretty much young sister (only 2 1/2 years older than me) asked my mother to spread the word for the old traditional way of getting married.

It would be a lie if I said I wasn’t shocked. It’s not the idea of wanting to get married young. It was because my sister and I were both greatly affected with witnessing firsthand our parents more than unhappy marriage while growing up. When we were younger it was assumed that my sister would be alone forever and I would get in relationships a lot because I was the more emotional and affectionate sister.

Then we grew up and the complete opposite happened. I ran away from relationships and my sister ran towards them. But you could tell that my sisters way of preventing what happened to our mother to happening her was finding a boyfriend that was the complete opposite of our father. In other words, my sister was the dominant and man in the relationship while her boyfriend was the emotional and clingy one.

That being said, knowing my sisters strong personality when she asked such a request, despite what we’ve gone through, surprised me. She wasn’t reluctant of marriage, unlike me, but rather seemed to want to face it head on.

So the day before, I heard of one of those proposes that we’re coming in. At the time I was reading posts of blogs I followed and at the side of my peripheral vision I saw my mother approach me with a slight smile.

I was curious…till she slowly began explaining to me the phone call my father was on right at that moment.

The way I reacted caught my mother and I off guard. I always like knowing whats going on in my sisters life but this was the first time I stopped her.

“I don’t want any part of it.” I honestly didn’t want to hear anything. Usually my curiosity would win but this time it didn’t…I didn’t only not want to know,  I also didn’t want to care.

I was always the romantic and love obsessed one but despite that, I didn’t want any part of it. Is it because I want love but not marriage? Or is it that I don’t want either, content with just dreaming about it? Maybe it’s for the saying my parents culture has, a daughter often lives her mothers life.

I truly love my mother…but I also fear the life she’s lived. And marriage proposals were the beginning of her sad story.

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27 comments

      • I can understand…I grew up in Florida, Boston, NY, Paris…and yet my culture was always a part of my childhood. That isn’t to say there weren’t amazing aspects (food), but there were also a lot of difficulties growing up with two backgrounds. The world was changing too fast for the traditional roots some of my family members cling to. Always remember though, what is in your heart and how you live your life (your opinions MATTER), create new roots which will one day become the basis for new traditions. Be strong, be you, and have courage. xo.

        Liked by 3 people

      • Thank you for the encouraging words! There are a lot of positives in learning and embracing a culture but it can also tie one down in different ways. Even though you grew up in several places, your culture always went with you. It must have been wonderful and hard.

        Liked by 2 people

      • It was, it still is. But the show must go on! The most difficult part about it for me is honestly just being a feminist. These cultural differences hits EVERYONE hard, clearly, but I feel that women are affected in different ways, for a lot of reasons. Of course I can’t generalize, but a lot of my issues with culture tended to find its bases around a lot of the common issues plaguing women. Much love!

        Liked by 2 people

  1. Wow, I could relate in a way. My culture doesn’t do arranged marriages but my parents have definitely tried to coerce me and my sisters into marriages we did not want. It has caused a lot of problems in the past. Although I am blessed in the fact that my parents deeply love each other (their marriage was not arranged) but I have also resented them for all of the forced coercions of marriage they have exposed us to in the past. Like you, it makes my skin crawl.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Wow… I can relate to it but on a more deeper level. I live in India where arranged marriages are still more common than the love ones. Also arranged marriages in my country are literaly more closer to the term “arranged”. Family of the potential groom will visit your house once, where the girl and the guy will talk for the first time and may be agree to meet once more. After that they will have to decide whether they want to marry each other or not.
    That too is the case only in a little bit more liberal middle class family like my own. In rural areas it is still pretty common for a girl and guy to meet for the first time after they are married.
    But I have decided to look for love rather than marriage and hopefully my parents will understand

    Liked by 4 people

    • I hope they understand as well. Give them a chance though. I’ve learned not to underestimate parents because they can surprise you. My parents have surprised me in more ways than I can even count. Maybe they’ll surprise you too.

      Good luck though! I hope you find what you’re looking for! ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      • Well I am not so sure about the surprising part.
        There are some things which remain unspoken in my household. I can’t even imagine telling them some of the things I want to tell them. And some how in some other Universe even if I tell them I am sure… no sorry like I told you I can’t even imagine.

        Good luck to you too!!!
        Keep sharing.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Absolutely love your style of writing! It’s so engaging yet raw in it’s honesty. It’s really interesting to see from your viewpoint looking in on your own culture from a modern day perspective. You manage to debate your parent’s traditional values with respect and bring a thought provoking topic right to the forefront. It’s subtle in its delivery but really hits home. The imagery and title work perfectly alongside each other and the fact you manage to bring so many emotions to the table in such a short extract is incredible! Will definitely be staying tuned!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hi! I discovered you through the meet and greet… I didn’t know what to expect when I hopped over but I’m so glad I did! I couldn’t stop reading! I want to hear how it turns out!

    Peace,
    Tamara

    Liked by 1 person


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