My Father Doesn’t Sleep At Night

sad-girl-beautiful-thinkingI have a memory. A memory of waking up one night, where I had walked to the living room to see my father just sitting there. He was silent. Still. And in the dark.

I had always known my father stayed awake at night. But it was the first time that it stuck with me. A thought that was persistent and almost frustrating. Why didn’t he sleep at night?

At first, I thought it ritualistic. Then I thought it was habit. After, came the assumption that he had insomnia. Eventually, soon came acceptance.

He does sleep. However, he goes to bed in the middle of the night around 4 am or 5 am. Sometimes, Β it would be even later in the morning. And he just wakes up early when he needs to work and the days he doesn’t, he sleeps in.

For the past two years though, I did welcome it because of my sleeping problems. It did feel better to have a companion when I couldn’t sleep at night.

But there was a difference. Every day I fought with myself, to fall asleep at night. I would often go days without sleep, then I could just be tired enough to fall asleep at least during one night. For two days or maybe a week, I would get better but then like a vicious cycle I wouldn’t be able to sleep again. But he didn’t fight. He almost…liked it.

Even now it’s 4 am at night while I write this. Today my father went in early to sleep at 3: 30 am.

It’s not the, not sleeping at night that worries me. He just sits there. Literally doing nothing. For hours. It’s almost terrifying. It’s so different compared to the society that exists now of where the idea of not doing anything, sitting still for 5 minutes, is impossible. Our hands need to fiddle with something but for him… he does nothing.

I did nag at one point for months to fix his sleeping habits because I was worried for his health. It worked for a while but before I knew it, he was once again awake at night. I did begin to respect it. I started to wonder, maybe it’s his way of recharging or just being content in general. As long as he was okay, I was okay. But that’s the question. Is he okay? I can only wonder. I can only question.

However, till this day…I still don’t know why my father doesn’t sleep at night.

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33 comments

    • Hi! I’m not so much as worried about him not sleeping at night as to how he’s awake. It’s not like he works late into the night, instead he just sits so still, completely in the dark. I usually do that personally when I’m depressed.

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  1. Very interesting about your sleeping habits. What do you do when you cannot sleep? What are you thinking about, is there something that plagues your mind that causes you to not sleep? These would be great thoughts to add into this post, but that is only my personal opinion! Very precise and to the point though and provokes thought and question as well!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! I have written a lot of posts in the past, when I began this blog, during the night when I couldn’t sleep answering those questions but because the feelings are so negative, I didn’t want to be repetitive about my sleeping problems on here. Thanks though for asking!! πŸ™‚

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  2. I stay up late a lot as well. People always say stuff about my caffeine consumption and meditation and such but I like the nighttime, always have. I function better at night than during the day. Maybe your dad just enjoys his quiet time? πŸ™‚ Either way, it’s nice to have a buddy when sleep won’t be one.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think you already know the answer. I dream of contentment every night. What a gift in knowing and accepting that within yourself. Instead of wondering, seek the peace within yourself, by learning from your father who you thought just never sleeps…

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I lived just south of the Arctic Circle for six years. In the summer when the sun shone 24 hours a day I had to go south. The constant light made me feel exposed with no where to hide, almost unsafe. But the winter was different. While many people were buying sun lamps I was perfectly content. There is comfort in the dark. Some of us connect to the world in the sunshine. Some of us connect to the world in the soft darkness. I can sit for hours in the dark, doing absolutely nothing while my thoughts flow like water. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Your father is a lucky man.

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  5. Not unlike your father, I will sometimes sit for hours, in the dark, or even during the day. I seek the peace, the time to reflect, but most of the time it is simply to meditate. As long as your father in not depressed, I would allow him to be. But, if he is ruminating over something, I would encourage you to as him to seek out a friend, a counselor, etc., he may not feel comfortable placing what he feels is a concern, upon you. Be respectful and appreciate what a thoughtful man he is.

    Sometimes I am guilty of projecting my problems
    on to another. Out of love and concern, could you be doing that? Remember, your expectations are different than his.

    I think you are a wonderful person to consider what, or why it is that he is awake and alone. You dearly love him. It’s obvious.
    β˜•οΈβ€οΈ

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    • Thank you! I do love him dearly. I have learned to just leave him be but I guess I just needed to write about how I truly felt about him not sleeping at night and write the questions out that I often would wonder about. Thank you though for asking. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi,
    You are a good writer. I saw it on the adolescence post too. You know how to hook your reader. I was afraid to read on. The beginning sounded scary.
    I am Janice. You liked a comment I made on the Meet and Greet. I wanted to come by to thank you and introduce myself. I know Ellen and Deb Sani as well.
    Janice

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for visiting my blog! πŸ™‚ It means a lot and it’s wonderful of you to take the time to introduce yourself. I loved visiting your blog. It’s truly wonderful! I can’t wait to see more of what you post!
      Thank you for the kind words as well!

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  7. I have trouble sleeping too. For years, I tossed, turned, and fought it, but did not fall asleep. Now I have surrendered to the awakeness. I let my mind wander. I think about things. It is almost a meditation. Or, maybe it IS a meditation. I have found that the state of mind provides enough rest as long as I get a few hours of sleep in the morning. So, there is nothing to worry about. Maybe he really enjoys that time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s the conclusion that I’ve come to as well, that he enjoys the time. It’s admirable that you have learned to embrace it and see the positive in it. I guess because I’m not able to sleep at night as well and it’s often hard and a negative thing for me because I used to feel depressed at night, I assumed and worried that for him it might also be unintentional and painful. But I’ve learned to respect his space and trust him. Thank you for sharing your experience! It helps a lot with understanding my own father. Thank you!!! ❀ πŸ™‚

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  8. This is so relatable! Way back, I’ve had this problem of staying awake all night without doing nothing, or precisely saying, I don’t find any motivation to do anything. Gradually I’ve come to the stage where I fall asleep on time and get a sound sleep of seven hours. I think, for me, listening to soothing music helped. Wish you a very best and I hope your dad too, like me, inhabit the biological clock and get his sound sleep sooner πŸ™‚

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  9. My dad also stayed up late most nights. Most of the time it was because it was the only quiet time he got with 8 kids.
    But some nights it was because he just couldn’t shut down his mind. He would sit and contemplate all his decisions. Those nights he didn’t want to be alone. He would sit and hope someone got up, me being an insomniac, I usually kept him company.
    If I sat long enough he would begin to spill his thoughts. And then like a light switch he would sit back close his eyes and be snoring.
    I miss those nights but they also make me very sad. Knowing my dad, a strong emotionally shut down guy, so sad about so many things.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hope you feel better! Nights like those are a double edged sword. They’re wonderful in a peaceful way yet they’re filled with feelings of sorrow. I hope as time goes by you’ll remember those nights in a happier light. ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I sometimes cannot sleep at night because of thoughts running through my mind. I just force myself to relax, perhaps drink an infusion, and after a couple of hours I manage to fall asleep. Nice post though, well written 😊

    Stop by my blog if you feel like. I’d love to have your feedback!

    Liked by 1 person


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