Unloved

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Is this how it feels to be the right one? The right girl to marry. The one to commit to. The one he chose to have a life with. Is she supposed to feel unloved because of it?

If I’m supposed to be happy to be chosen, instead why do I feel like I’m not worthy of love?

But they tell me it’s alright. Just because he didn’t choose you first, it okay as long as you’re his last choice. No one even ends up with their first love for god’s sake. You’re the type guys want to marry.

However, I don’t even think they realize the words that come out of their lips like tendrils of smoke, poisonous and toxic. Marriage does not equal love. Neither love or marriage are a guaranteed product of one another. Even though I may be the “chosen” one for whatever man that enters my life in the future, but I have witnessed the disasters of marriage. It’s effects of slow torture towards a sad and lonely demise. If my parents could be victims, so can I. If they can be survivors, so can I. The question is whether or not if I want to be.

And I know. I know that I do not want to live life to be the “right” one for someone. I want to live it being “loved” by another. Because being “right” was not enough to console my mothers tears at night. Being “right” did not mean she was treated as such.

I only wish to have the memories of being once loved as consolation at least, if my future marriage ever painfully heads toward obliteration. Maybe that will be enough…

Enough to comfort me when I’m alone at night.

 

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6 comments

  1. I’ve just recently got divorced and I thought he was the one. We’re still friends in a way but I often think if we hadn’t married we would still be together. Sometimes marriage totally changes the relationship in that you stop trying to please the other person like you used to, and then the marriage becomes a convenience. Certainly I feel the guy stops trying so hard. Women, more often than not, usually never stop trying to make it work. I’m happier now that we called it quits and are friends and get on better than when we were together. So there’s always an upside.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your words really opened my mind in many perspectives. The thought of men who stop trying and women who never do stop in that matter. I agree in that marriage often isn’t the answer in the relationship or “solution” some people see it as.
      I’m happy to hear that you are more content now! Sending lots of love!! 💝

      Liked by 1 person


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