Countless of times we’ve witnessed these words fill the screen or at the end or the last pages of a book being read. They were the words that symbolized the perfect ending. The one that was meant to settle within each one of our hearts with content and satisfaction of a well time spent. Yet, these were the very words that haunted each and every one of us of the impossible. The expectation of a definite and permanent ending to our story. The perfect ending…
Recently these thoughts have been haunting me. Filling each and every crevice and the darkest corners of my mind to the point where they filled my vision as a blazing reminder of what I couldn’t have.
No, I’m lying. In reality, they had become the very axis on which my world rotated upon ever since I could remember. However, it was inevitable. The fairy tales, the happy endings, the storytelling, and even the movies were all too much. They were the infestation of the ultimate tragedy. The one that would destroy thousands of lives who would become victims of it. The beginnings of the expectation of a fairy tale ending. To this day, countless of men and women dream of the perfect companion. Smart, sweet, and of course hot to the point of fainting for their pure gorgeousness. I can attest to it. I have had my fair share of imagining the perfect man who would beat Cinderella’s prince charming any day.
So here I am, the utter realist who just can’t seem to stop dreaming even though being well aware that’s all they are, dreams. However, recently its become a lot more than that. Marriage or relationships were never an option for me. Even though others like my friends or relatives who discovered this thought I was either being a prude or immature, I couldn’t tell them that I had my reasons. That they didn’t know about my parents. In the end, I just let them think what they wanted. But, then there are classic fairy tales telling me that even in the most horrible tragedies, there is a silver lining. Although, they fail to implement reality after the hero and heroine embrace and kiss with utter happiness showing that love conquers all. Even though it might make me the biggest idiot, I still hope for the one that won’t be tied to me just for duty but will love me with passion and fire.
They say the best marriages are when the wife and husband are best friends. Yet, I still pray for the love that will make me so crazy that all reason and logic will escape from my mind and heart. Where for the first time, someone will drive me over the edge of a cliff with my eyes blinded with trust not caring if the fall kills me.
However, right now I’m bruised, wounded, and hurt. Broken and tore apart by betrayal, hate, and envy. Yet, I still find room to dare to hope that I will have my fairy tale ending even if it might make me out to be completely insane. But, I can’t find the need to be insulted if you actually do think so because I am pretty sure that I’m a bit crazy because that someone might never even come into my life and if he does, he might destroy me and leave me in ruins. That scares me even more than I hope. However, I still think. I still dream. And I still wonder what if…even if the fairy tale endings I was taught to believe in while growing up may leave my story to be just another name on a list of tragedies in this world, I still imagine and question about my perfect ending.